so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize