Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
