Swine flu. Run for my life!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
my liver is dry heaving
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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