So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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