you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
