shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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