awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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