need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
