you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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