We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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