your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
