I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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