Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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