Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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