I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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