i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
