sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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