Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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