What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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