i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
