HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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