How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
