i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
