I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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