Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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