Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
