I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
