You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
