Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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