p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
