we made out on top of his cat.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
wow bdsm is so cute
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
