I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
