Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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