i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
