she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
