hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
