just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
