I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
