im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
