Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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