I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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