We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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