They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
