This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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