he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
