you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
