I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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