She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
