How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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