My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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