Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
