dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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