Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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