I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
